I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
