I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
