She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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