How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize