She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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