Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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