I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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