i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
