Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
