And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
