remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
