No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
