I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
