singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
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I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
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Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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