you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
