I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
When are your genitals available?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
