How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
