Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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