so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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