you turned your livingroom into a bong?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
