Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
