I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
