so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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