saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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