WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
