i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
