dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
