I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
