Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
