So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
