Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
