dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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