You're so nebulous sometimes
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
