Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
