Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
