If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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