Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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