Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
