I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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