I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
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Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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