Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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