We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
