Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
