Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
