I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
