Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
