You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
