Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
