Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
