I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
