My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize