I cut my penus on the lid.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
