My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
