ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
