Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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