Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
