apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I am mentally ready for anal.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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