I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
