Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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