I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
