The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
