I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize