This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
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I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
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Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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