I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
