it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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