I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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