Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
This baby is an asshole
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
