how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
