Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
