i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
ugly people sure do ruin things
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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