is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
