I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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