dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
