Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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