I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
