I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
