I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
