I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
