So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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