Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
