She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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