I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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